All Hail the Great and Powerful Gob

I am not an atheist.

I am not a Christian. Actually, I am a recovering Catholic.

I am not religious in anyway. Actually, I hate religion, and what it has done, and continues to do to our humanity, to our world.

I believe in miracles.

But do I believe in God? That, I have yet to figure out.

Here's the thing, the religious god fearing people think they have all the answers. The irony loving intellectual atheists know they the answers, and that the religious are idiots. Why does it have to be one or the other? I admire the believers ability to believe. Faith must be a beautiful thing to feel. There is little I have undying belief in. As for the atheists, I get it, but I don't see why they have to spit on everyone else's security. And I'm not talking about religion. I definitely see the purpose in debunking all organized religions, but what I don't understand is trashing another person's faith, they're spirituality.

For a long time I was afraid to not believe in god. I was afraid not to pray, not to say thanks, in case he decided to smite me for my lack of appreciation. At church on Sunday, after communion, in the part when everyone knelt or sat quietly until everyone had taken the host, I would kneel withe eyes pressed shut, gripping my hands, and I would thank god for my family. I thanked god for my home, for my life, for my dog, for my friends, for my cat. I thanked him until I was pleased I thanked him enough. I didn't do it because I thought he should be thanked, but because I thought he would take it all away if I didn't. If I didn't love him enough, fear him enough, believe in him enough my world as I knew it would cease to exist. When I think of it now, he was the "Godfather," and I had to show my respect.

Once I got out of Catholic school and went to college I realized how ridiculous it all was. I denounced Catholicism (as I think all people should), and denounced any idea of a god. My distaste for all things religious, spiritual, and godly was my new belief. I argued with my very religious family on church doctrine like their stance on birth control, gays, and women priests. I laughed when they invited me to church. If someone said, "I'll pray for you," or asked me to pray for them, I would squirm and give some half audible response. And the mention of Jesus was even worse. If anyone mentioned either character my palms would sweat, and I would have to quickly leave the conversation.Where before I was afraid to not believe in god, now I was afraid to believe in him.

Now-a-days, I'm not so militant, or angry. Now-a-days, I'm not really sure what I believe. As I meet more and more atheists, the more and more I realize they I am not like them. I want to believe that their is something spiritual about the world. I want to believe in the spirituality of great love, despair, the sun rising, a flower blooming, a good laugh. I just can't believe it is all random and meaningless. There is a connection between all of us and all things. I believe that. Does that mean I believe in god? I'm not sure, but I'm not going to be afraid to explore the idea of god anymore.

Rolling to the Music in The Rock

Last Saturday, I enjoyed a solo mission to The Eagle Rock Music Festival. For those who might not know, Eagle Rock is a northeast neighborhood of Los Angeles that lives where the 2 and 210 meet. It is also a wonderful little borough (if L.A. has such things) filled with mom and pop eateries, shops, art, and music, and home to arguably the best pizza in all of Los Angeles--Casa Bianca. I lived in Eagle Rock for two years, and it has so far been my favorite place to live in all of Los Angeles. It is cool with a small town feel. You will see families and older folks here, unlike other hip L.A. neighborhoods such as Silverlake and Los Feliz. It's close enough to the epicenter of L.A. to feel like you are in the city, and yet far enough away to not feel overwhelmed by all super cool Los Angeles people. I love it!

And one of the things that makes this neighborhood a shining star is the annual Eagle Rock Music Festival. Every fall the main thorough fair of Colorado Blvd is shut down for eight blocks to make room for music, food, and fun. This year they had an astounding eight stages hosting bands and djs from all places and genres like world music, reggae, punk, alternative, marching bands, Latin and much more. And did I mention it is free?

The last time I took part in the Eagle Rock festival I was living just off Colorado Blvd in the mix of the action. That year, my roommate and I invited friends to preparty with some food and lots of drinks. Though it was a great time, I would have to say it was more party and less music, and in the end I couldn't even tell you who I saw.

This year was a bit different. I journeyed to the Rock by car by myself, and didn't drink a drop (mostly because I am poor). I still had a great time walking around the neighborhood, seeing what has changed since I left, and taking in as much as I could in the little time I was there.

So here is what I saw:

8:15 - Emerging Stage: Free Moral Agents. This alterno-rock band was a nice start to the night. A female singer always makes me happy, and the Coffee Table--an Eagle Rock staple--looking over the scene told me I was in the Rock.









8:40 - American Tires-The Ship Stage: Nico Stai. I was walking around, and the music coming from this stage called me over. Though I only heard two songs, it was enough to make me smile and jump around with the rest of the crowd. Just good rock music.








9:00 - Rantz Auto Center Stage: Ollin. This L.A. Chicano rock band knew how to have a good time. Their cumbias mixed with rock had the audience in front of this auto shop (who once gave me the neighbor discount on an oil change) shaking their tales and throwing gritos (Mexican calls of elation, much like a yodel).







9:30 - Bateman Water and Heating Stage: Underground Railroad to Candyland. I've seen this San Pedro punk band a couple of times, and have always had a good time. Though they still put on a fun show, there was a missing element without the San Pedro punk kids moshing around the stage. Perhaps the drive was too much for them.






10:00 - City Hall Stage: March Fourth Marching Band. This Portland performance art/marching band was definitely the highlight of the night. Besides starting off their show with a march down Colorado Blvd with their flag guards marching on wooden stilts, they also had close to a 15 piece band, belly dancers, and acrobats. The crowd that met in the grass outside of city hall were treated to a good show worth paying for, but lucky for my wallet the entire night was free.




10:30 - The Car: Heading for the next adventure