If I Had a Blog

Day 6, Letter 3 (Missed 3,4,5)

2010-07-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Guy at that Party in the Hat,

There was a girl with you, beautiful, Filipina, brown curls, wide smile, but you didn't seem to care. Why? She was dancing for you with laughter and kisses, but it wasn't enough. I have been that girl. That's the girl I know how to be. What is it in all of us that makes us want the one thing we don't have? I don't know who you are, or why I should think you have such an answer, but for some reason I wanted you tell me. Wanted to hear your voice in my ear. I bet you had an accent.

The Girl at the Party in the Blue Polk-a-dot Dress

Day 2, Letter 2. 28 Left to Go

2010-07-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Crush,

I've been trampled by the heavy want of you too many times. For now I am folding you in tissue paper, laying you in a box, and placing you under my bed. But not forever.

X

Day 1, Letter 1. 29 Left to Go

2010-07-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

Dear B,

Cold sand between toes, passing a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, the sun lowering into the hills, only the sound of waves between us. Racing to the hills of Altadena, traversing dirt and shrubs in last night's heals, all to watch the sunrise below gray clouds. Carmel, Santa Cruz, Norfolk, Richmond, Washington D.C., One-traffic-light Town, Pennsylvania, Chicago, New York, the Brooklyn Bridge, Alaska, Vancouver, and back home again. Thanks for all the sunrises and sunsets and the places in between.

X

A Challenge - 30 Letters, 30 Days

2010-06-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Today, I was looking around this blog and found the "30 Letters, 30 Day" blog challenge. Even though I have had a blog for nearly a year, I know little about the blog community, and challenges, and until today, I didn't know such things existed. I don't know if I will ever do this again, or if I will complete the task, but it seems like a great explorative exercise. As a poet, I have seen people write poems in the form of letters, but have never done it myself. I figure, why not give it a whirl? And besides, I've been neglecting this blog, and looking for a reason to write, and well, here it is.

The challenge is 30 letters in 30 Days, and here are the recipients of the letters for each day:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

If you're down for the challenge, I also encourage you to give it a go.

Babies

2010-05-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I swept my mother away from a home filled with four children under the age of four, and took to her to a movie. It's Mother's Day weekend, and I told her and my brothers, Grandma needs a break. What movie did we see? Babies. Five minutes in I realized the mistake I made. I took her from a house of cries and messes, to a movie of the same, accept we didn't know these kids. But after another five minutes we settled down to the idea that yes, we were watching babies be babies and actually enjoyed it. Or, at least I did, and I hope she did since, you know, she was the reason we went out.

Four babies in the first year of their lives in four different places in the world: San Francisco, Tokyo, Mongolia, and Namibia. Yes, we saw babies, but we also saw four extremely different cultures, and saw four different ideas about child rearing and family. I fell in love with happy little Bayar and his family's ranch and yurt in Mongolia. It was like a strange little place filled with anachronisms and contradictions. In one scene we saw the men race in a dust of smoke on their horses through a barren land, and in the next we heard a cell phone ring. We saw Bayar crawl on a dirt floor and have his bath water slurped up by a goat, and yet just outside a giant satellite stands guard, and the father rides a motorcycle. Yes, there is something charming about Mongolia, about their strong sense of tradition coupled with their use of modern technology. How does it all work together?

And then there is Namibia, a place where a baby receives a haircut with a knife, and a bath with a mothers tongue. I didn't even know places like Namibia still existed. The scenes of modern Tokyo made for a wonderful juxtaposition to the deserts of Namibia, and the wider angles of buildings, elevators, window views were probably some of my more favorite moments. The film maker's view of San Francisco, unfortunately, was disappointing and cliche, but all in all, I enjoyed this quiet view of life at the very beginning.

Damn product placement!

2010-04-03T18:28:00.001-07:00

I love Modern Family, one the newest family comedies on ABC. Every since it first aired I have excitedly watched every episode, and quoted my favorite moments the next day to whoever will listen. These people make me laugh out loud. I can't decide who is my favorite. Is it the sensitive and fun loving Cam, who can also kick your ass in full clown costume and makeup, or is it Manny the preteen with an old soul? Actually, they are all hilarious. And my favorite part of each episode is the last scene when after all the hijinks and social missteps the family comes together and shows how much they really love each other, and then I ultimately always cry. Why? Perhaps because it reminds me of my own insane family, a crazy and strange mix of people that 90% of the time you want to kill, but 100% of the time I would kill for.

So imagine my disgust when my favorite part of the show, the last heartfelt scene, was turned into a shameless commercial for the ipad. The ipad of all things! That ridiculous gadget that only shows how greedy Apple really is. All I can think is that ol' Stevie boy knows his product is a bust, and is pulling at anything to save his ass. Well not my Modern Family, Stevie! Hands off! You took a beautiful moment of TV sentimentality and turned it into something dirty. You have soiled my happy place, and I do not forgive you.

Recovering Catholic, The Lenten Triggers

2010-02-20T10:29:00.000-08:00

This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the day that marks the beginning of Lent and forty days of fasting, reflection, and giving up sweets, or watching T.V., or cussing, or fighting with your brothers. Yes, Lent is the time Catholics decide to refrain from partaking in certain vices to get closer to God, and to show some kinship with Jesus who wandered in a desert for the same amount of time.

And though I am no longer Catholic, for many reasons from the pedophilia and perverse views of sex and love to the hypocrisy of the medieval and sexist infrastructure, for some reason this time of year makes me miss it a little.

Lent, unlike other Catholic holidays, illustrates the religions strongest sense of ritual and reflection. Most of the time Catholics can do whatever they want, when ever they want and get away with as long as they confess. But during Lent, those crazy Catholics show a severity that uncommon the rest of the year.

Examples:

Ash Wednesday: an outward symbols of faith that leaves them vulnerable to questions and even ridicule, as seen this year with the media and Biden.

No meat Fridays: This version of fasting results in specific Lenten menus, at least within my Mexican family, like Lentil soup, chile rellenos, shrimp cakes, and fruit water. This is the only time of year that a specific menu is called for.

Stations of the Cross: reenactments of Jesus' final journey, lots of kneeling and reciting, and just general serious praying.

Palm Sunday: includes religious paraphernalia and more reenactments.

Easter Vigil: 2 hour long mass, maybe longer, starting with people standing outside a church in the dark with candles, and includes baptisms, confirmations, and First Holy Communions. If you go to this mass, you are a serious Catholic.

I gave up Catholicism many many years ago. I'm probably close to 10 years sober, but this time of year with all its ritual and restraint really does something to my old Catholic guilt and suddenly I want to put down my big juicy burger and make a tuna sandwich. Just this once. Just for old times sake.

igag

2010-02-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who thinks the ipad looks like the oversized office supplies gag gift you might find at the dollar store? F-A-I-L!

The Checklist

2010-02-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, on The Daily Show with John Stewart, his guest was Atul Gawande, surgeon and author of The Checklist Manifesto. This book details how a checklist is useful for many of us, specifically in hospitals. In the interview Gawande explains that though he has seen positive results from asking surgeons to perform a simple checklist before surgeries it is not mandatory, and many don't wish to do one. It may be ego, but there is no shame in the checklist game.

I am no surgeon, but I know I couldn't live my life with out the use of checklists. For five years I was the director of a Theatre program at a high school in Arcadia, and in that time I relied on lists to help me keep track of everything from directing, producing, designing the set, keeping track of the props and costumes, contacting parents, and so forth. Within theatre the checklist is part of the norm. There are lists that are checked before any performance that involves cast members, light cues, props, costumes, and so more. How else can you be sure a performance will run smoothly, without first checking that all the necessary elements are in place? It works wonders for a production, and I don't see how if theatre people can do for a performance, why doctors wouldn't do the same for saving a life. Right? I mean it's like, duh!

Though I learned the importance of the list from my theatre experience and discovered its invaluableness from my time as a solo lonely high school Theatre Arts department director, it now has spread over the rest of my life. I rarely do any major or minor daily production--family trips, house chores, writing projects, fellowship applications--without the all knowing list.

Why? If I don't have a check list everything piles up and the amount of work I have to accomplish feels insurmountable. I begin to worry that I will never get it done, and I quickly run to throw my head under the blankets and sleep it all away. BUT with a check list everything changes. Your work is in a manageable order and you can note your progress. Nothing feels as good as when you've checked something off the list. And there is never any last minute panic about forgetting something because your list tells you, you haven't.

The check-list: not just for theatre geeks and surgeons anymore.

Trends of 2009

2010-01-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know it's already the later part of January, but this has been working around in my brain since December and won't go away. At the end of every year everyone does their, Big in 09 lists, and so here is mine:

1. Free food: Sure, we've been in the worst financial recession in years, people are losing there homes and jobs, but all is not lost. All last year countless restaurants and fast food joints were giving food away for free. Free! Grand Slams, fried chicken, sandwiches, oh my!

Our pockets may have been empty, but our bellies were full!

2. Fro-yo: Does no one remember when Penguin's Yogurt craze of the eighties? No? Perhaps, I am the only one. But none of that matters because the entire country went wild for Yogurtland. Forget Pink Berry, that was so last year. This year was all about cheap yogurt in a multitude of colors and flavors topped with fresh fruit and Captain Crunch. Everyone was hopping on the bus to Yogurtland.

3. The year of the Taylors: Either together or separate, nothing could stop the madness surrounding Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner. They are young, attractive, and talented. What could be better? BUT I still have a problem ogling T.L.'s muscley bits...He's a minor, people!

Queen and King of 2009

4. Public displays of violence against women: This isn't funny, but suddenly it has become entertainment. First it was Rhianna's bruised face all over the internets, and Chris Brown's sad, lame apologies on youtube, then it was Douche of the Decade, Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild fame, taking down Jayde (reality actress/former girlfriend of Brody Jenner) by the hair inside a busy, security filmed, bar, and last, the infamous Jersey Shore slap heard around the world.

What's going on in the world? When did violence against women become entertainment?

5. 3D: I can't even count how many movies came out in 3D this year. It started with Coraline, and finished with Avatar, but many less deserving films have held the same moniker, making the world expect more and audiences pay more. Remember when 3D was special? Remember when we all grabbed at the little flying creature in Captain EO (Trend of 2010: The Return of Captain EO)? If it's not Michael, it may not need to be 3D.

And that is it. My take on the trends of 2009. Now, it's time for me to stop thinking about this, and enjoy the year I'm in.

Cheers to 2010, and all the craziness it will bring!

All Hail the Great and Powerful Gob

2009-10-10T16:12:00.000-07:00

I am not an atheist.

I am not a Christian. Actually, I am a recovering Catholic.

I am not religious in anyway. Actually, I hate religion, and what it has done, and continues to do to our humanity, to our world.

I believe in miracles.

But do I believe in God? That, I have yet to figure out.

Here's the thing, the religious god fearing people think they have all the answers. The irony loving intellectual atheists know they the answers, and that the religious are idiots. Why does it have to be one or the other? I admire the believers ability to believe. Faith must be a beautiful thing to feel. There is little I have undying belief in. As for the atheists, I get it, but I don't see why they have to spit on everyone else's security. And I'm not talking about religion. I definitely see the purpose in debunking all organized religions, but what I don't understand is trashing another person's faith, they're spirituality.

For a long time I was afraid to not believe in god. I was afraid not to pray, not to say thanks, in case he decided to smite me for my lack of appreciation. At church on Sunday, after communion, in the part when everyone knelt or sat quietly until everyone had taken the host, I would kneel withe eyes pressed shut, gripping my hands, and I would thank god for my family. I thanked god for my home, for my life, for my dog, for my friends, for my cat. I thanked him until I was pleased I thanked him enough. I didn't do it because I thought he should be thanked, but because I thought he would take it all away if I didn't. If I didn't love him enough, fear him enough, believe in him enough my world as I knew it would cease to exist. When I think of it now, he was the "Godfather," and I had to show my respect.

Once I got out of Catholic school and went to college I realized how ridiculous it all was. I denounced Catholicism (as I think all people should), and denounced any idea of a god. My distaste for all things religious, spiritual, and godly was my new belief. I argued with my very religious family on church doctrine like their stance on birth control, gays, and women priests. I laughed when they invited me to church. If someone said, "I'll pray for you," or asked me to pray for them, I would squirm and give some half audible response. And the mention of Jesus was even worse. If anyone mentioned either character my palms would sweat, and I would have to quickly leave the conversation.Where before I was afraid to not believe in god, now I was afraid to believe in him.

Now-a-days, I'm not so militant, or angry. Now-a-days, I'm not really sure what I believe. As I meet more and more atheists, the more and more I realize they I am not like them. I want to believe that their is something spiritual about the world. I want to believe in the spirituality of great love, despair, the sun rising, a flower blooming, a good laugh. I just can't believe it is all random and meaningless. There is a connection between all of us and all things. I believe that. Does that mean I believe in god? I'm not sure, but I'm not going to be afraid to explore the idea of god anymore.

Rolling to the Music in The Rock

2009-10-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I enjoyed a solo mission to The Eagle Rock Music Festival. For those who might not know, Eagle Rock is a northeast neighborhood of Los Angeles that lives where the 2 and 210 meet. It is also a wonderful little borough (if L.A. has such things) filled with mom and pop eateries, shops, art, and music, and home to arguably the best pizza in all of Los Angeles--Casa Bianca. I lived in Eagle Rock for two years, and it has so far been my favorite place to live in all of Los Angeles. It is cool with a small town feel. You will see families and older folks here, unlike other hip L.A. neighborhoods such as Silverlake and Los Feliz. It's close enough to the epicenter of L.A. to feel like you are in the city, and yet far enough away to not feel overwhelmed by all super cool Los Angeles people. I love it!

And one of the things that makes this neighborhood a shining star is the annual Eagle Rock Music Festival. Every fall the main thorough fair of Colorado Blvd is shut down for eight blocks to make room for music, food, and fun. This year they had an astounding eight stages hosting bands and djs from all places and genres like world music, reggae, punk, alternative, marching bands, Latin and much more. And did I mention it is free?

The last time I took part in the Eagle Rock festival I was living just off Colorado Blvd in the mix of the action. That year, my roommate and I invited friends to preparty with some food and lots of drinks. Though it was a great time, I would have to say it was more party and less music, and in the end I couldn't even tell you who I saw.

This year was a bit different. I journeyed to the Rock by car by myself, and didn't drink a drop (mostly because I am poor). I still had a great time walking around the neighborhood, seeing what has changed since I left, and taking in as much as I could in the little time I was there.

So here is what I saw:

8:15 - Emerging Stage: Free Moral Agents. This alterno-rock band was a nice start to the night. A female singer always makes me happy, and the Coffee Table--an Eagle Rock staple--looking over the scene told me I was in the Rock.

8:40 - American Tires-The Ship Stage: Nico Stai. I was walking around, and the music coming from this stage called me over. Though I only heard two songs, it was enough to make me smile and jump around with the rest of the crowd. Just good rock music.

9:00 - Rantz Auto Center Stage: Ollin. This L.A. Chicano rock band knew how to have a good time. Their cumbias mixed with rock had the audience in front of this auto shop (who once gave me the neighbor discount on an oil change) shaking their tales and throwing gritos (Mexican calls of elation, much like a yodel).

9:30 - Bateman Water and Heating Stage: Underground Railroad to Candyland. I've seen this San Pedro punk band a couple of times, and have always had a good time. Though they still put on a fun show, there was a missing element without the San Pedro punk kids moshing around the stage. Perhaps the drive was too much for them.

10:00 - City Hall Stage: March Fourth Marching Band. This Portland performance art/marching band was definitely the highlight of the night. Besides starting off their show with a march down Colorado Blvd with their flag guards marching on wooden stilts, they also had close to a 15 piece band, belly dancers, and acrobats. The crowd that met in the grass outside of city hall were treated to a good show worth paying for, but lucky for my wallet the entire night was free.

10:30 - The Car: Heading for the next adventure

(500) Days of Obsession

2009-09-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Last Friday afternoon I decided to treat myself to a movie, and headed to Leamle Playhouse 7 to watch "(500) Days of Summer." I enjoyed this movie so much that I smiled the whole drive home; I enjoyed it so much that I called my friend Alia to "discuss" the film (I can always count on Alia to have seen any movie I have, and long before me); I enjoyed it so much that I continued to ponder its qualities well into the weekend.

And why? For one, I loved the focus on downtown L.A. Like I said in the previous post, I love downtown, and for once a movie captured what I've known for years: downtown L.A. is beautiful. Two, the story is deceptively simple. At first it seems like the usual simpy love story with hipster stylings, but it's more than that. It is a story about obsessive infatuation. Something I am a familiar with, just ask the guy I had a crush on in junior high who's mother had to ask me to stop calling the house and hanging up. That's right, I have had moments of embarrasing stalkerish behavior, as I suspect many of us have, and it's through that specific lense that makes this story interesting. It's about that guy or girl that becomes the starring role of our fantasies, that person we are sure is the perfect match for us, if only he/she would let it happen. But the problem is these objects of affection, become just that, an object.

In "(500) Days of Summer," Tom(JGL) is obsessed with Summer (Zooey Deshenal), and the film illustrates this obsession by only revealing Summer as Tom sees her. Throughout the movie, Tom focuses on a handful of memories and refuses to look at the negative aspects of Summer. In fact, the audience is never given more than a two-dimmensional view of her. We don't know about her family, dreams, aspirations, and it is as if she is only a an extension of Tom's psyche. This is because she is only a fantasy to Tom. In one well-done scene we are given a split screen. One side shows Tom's expectation for the night, and the other shows his reality. But at some point fantasy must give in to reality, or else you are a creepy stalker who sleeps in piles of women's shoes. Just saying.

I love downtown! Downtown is my favorite!

2009-09-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

Two Saturdays ago I took my nephew to Pershing Square in downtown L.A. to look at a free light and art exhibit. As Gabrielito, my nephew likes to say, "Ooo. I love downtown! Downtown is my favorite!" And I agree with him. There is so much to see and do, and most people don't even know it. Most people think it's dirty, rundown, and overrun with homeless, and though there are those aspects, there are also a million little treasures. There is great architecture, exciting art galleries, performance events, cool tunnels (another aspect my nephew enjoys), and lots of good eateries and drinkeries. That's right, I said drinkeries.

Here are some pix from Gabrielito's and my date downtown for some lights and art. These are caught by both he and I.
Back in the car on the drive home I asked Gabrielito if he liked it, and he said, "Yeah, but where was the art?" Looks like we have a young art critic on our hands.

If I had a blog's 1st Entry

2009-09-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

Everyday things happen to me that I think to write about. I see something ridiculous on T.V. and I think if I had a blog I would write something about this. The President's health care plan is falling apart, and I want to say something about it, and I think if only I had a blog. I watch really cool movie that I want to share with people, a restaurant that has yummy food, an art exhibit, random happening, a trip to Alaska, these are the everyday things that occur in my life that I create opinions about, that run wild in my brain with nowhere to go, and I always think if only I had blog.

I have another blog, but that's poetry and immigration focused, and generally not fun. Where do I go to when I have a thought that doesn't have to do with poetry, my childhood, immigration, god or no god, the universe, death? I've been a writer my whole life. I know this because I have been developing opinions on every little happening since I could form a thought (unfortunately for my mother), and now it's time for these opinions to find a place to go.

If I had a blog I would write about really unimportant things that make me happy. If I had a blog I would fill it with photos from trips, photos of L.A., reviews of movies, deep thoughts on bad reality T.V., art, events, and other stuff like that. So here it goes...